o ketosis.

The 3 day fast became a 2 day fast. I think that right before my body goes into ketosis, it puts up an epic catfight. I still lost 5 pounds by not eating for 2 days though :)

I know some of it is water weight but I'm still happy.

I feel so euphoric and clean and pure when I don't eat for a long stretch of time. Weirdly, I feel like thats the state my body wants to be in.

Then I taint it with food.

Todays intake: 200 calories.
Lets keep it at that shall we.

3 day fast.

How am I supposed to lose weight *quickly* if I can't even stick to a "healthy" plan.
Forget about severe restricting and exercising for hours.. I can't even eat 1200 calories a day and exercise for an hour daily. Since I previously decided not to purge *ever* again, (and I've been strictly sticking to that) I can't even get rid of the guilt from the binge I just had. I don't understand why it became a binge.

There has to be some sort of psychological warfare that I am not dealing with. Normal people can stop eating after they are full.. but it seems that my stomach is so stretched out from binging and purging that I can't even feel full normally. I either don't eat at all, or I eat EVERYTHING.
I think I binge when I already feel out of control.. not during but right before a binge.. I feel that ringing in my ears. That "eat everything in sight or it might not exist later" feeling.

It's so pathetic.

Does my body think there is a famine happening? Note to body: I live in America, the land of excess, and there is plenty of food available so stop stocking up. kthx.

My current weight is 124 lbs. My body has worked damn hard to maintain my weight, and no matter what I do.. It loves being at 124-125 lbs.

It won't even let me lose "a pound a week" like a normal diet should let me lose. I don't understand. What usually triggers a binge, is working hard all week, and standing on a scale that is vehemently stuck on the same damn number.

Now my stomach is uncomfortably full because I just ate enough food to feed a small country.

I'm going to stop complaining now.

I'm doing a 3 day fast. No excuses.

I'll post my weight Friday morning.

peace.

totesadorbs

sittin in my dorm just thinkin bout love

factory farming.

I recently decided that I am going to become a vegetarian, after reading a very sad, and amazingly written book, called Eating Animals.

This was a great decision for me and I feel like many people should atleast read the book.
ok.
The problem is that people love to get defensive when you mention you are a vegetarian. It is so odd.
Me saying "Oh hey I'm trying to transition to a vegetarian lifestyle" apparently translates into "I hate you, and am attacking your eating habits. Die."

no.

chill out.

Also aloha to all new followers! You guys caught me on a venting day :(

What is up with snide remarks from people lately? I don't know if everyone is as sensitive to such comments as I am but I do feel like they are ...evil on purpose..and not me just being paranoid. Then again, not everyone is as obsessed about certain things like I am.

People love to comment on the amount of food I eat. A lot.
"Oh ya chasingsecrets eats EVERYTHING"
"Wow, are you going to eat ALL that cake"
"Oh you know how SHE eats"

Apparently I'm a mack truck who eats lard.
Yay.

These types of comments just make me want to turn into a 80 pound waif and have people tell me to eat MORE. I'm balancing on a very thin line between wonderland and normalcy.
I need to not let people get to me.

I also feel like a lot of overweight people.. (this might be offensive idk.) get really pissed off when I tell them I'm dieting. They love to point out, quite meanly,when I'm falling off the diet..and then they love to tell me how I don't exercise enough..or I'm eating too much lettuce or something. And when I order a salad after they order a burger....I feel like I killed their first born. There have been many times where I've felt like I offended someone, and then I just order some damn french fries.
Same with the vegetarian thing. A lot of people love to point out if the dish I just ate had some meaty ingredient I didn't know about. "Oh I thought you were vegetarian, but you just ate meat..guess you couldn't stick to it." I just don't get it..maybe it makes them feel better about themselves.

 It makes me want to shove tofu up their nose.



p.s. not ALL overweight people are like that! These have mostly been my family members and friends who do this. I'm not trying to put anyone in a box.

fuck it.

im not eating.
again.
at.
all.
ever.
i hate food.
i hate food.
i hate food.
i hate food.
i hate food.

I am

a tad embarassed to even be typing this post.. but alas everyone (aka no one because I have no followers) yours truly is on another plan. Yes..ANOTHER ONE. because the last one was not folllowed because me and willpower had a fight and I clobbered willpower.

so new plan.
not even going to talk of it.
but will post my weight in 2 weeks.


good day patrons.

Robot Chicken

is quite lol-worthy.

I had to come back and write a post not related to weight so here goes:

I LOVED harry potter. I love going to a packed movie theatre and watching a movie.. the collective emotions everyone in the audience feels makes the movie so much better!

I forgot how depressing the first half of the book was though.. I definately cried at the end. (I cried after I watched Toy Story 3 this week too.)

hmm ..Oh and Despicable Me was hilarious.

I have so much to do but I feel really lazy all the time. Where is the productive gene I should probably possess?

I have a boyfriend.
I have a boyfriend and he is very nice.
I have a boyfriend and he is very nice but I don't love him.

I'm confused about the path that I should pursue.